#but i was undiagnosed autistic
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I got a Walkman after I already had a cd player because at the time you could get audio books on tape and it was my compromise to my teachers since I refused to read fiction.
#I couldn't understand at the time how much that wasn't the point#but i was undiagnosed autistic#and i didn't need to improve my reading ability
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truly what is r the main differences like ACTUAL differences not things in common with adhd and autism
#actually asking#autism#self diagnosed autism#undiagnosed autism#adhd#undiagnosed adhd#self diagnosed adhd#neurodivergent#am i autistic?
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Need to know more opinions.
i love them so much they're LIVING IN MY HEAD!!1!1!11!1!!!
#maccadam#transformers#transformers one#who is who#transformers one spoilers#tf one#tf one spoilers#d pax#d 16#orion pax#megop#megatron#optimus prime#transformers poll#personally i think D-16 matches the “diagnosed but there's more” and Orion matches the “undiagnosed but everyone knows”#they're SO autistic x adhd duo#they're so silly
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a lot of people who've watched gravity falls think that stanford is unsympathetic or a bad character, and most of the people who dont think that think stanford is at least selfish and flawed, which i can't really refute, but it always made me feel so awful, and i never realized why until now.
if you look at stanford pines as an allegory for a child with a developmental disability like autism or a "gifted kid", then a lot of the pieces start to fall together.
⚠️spoilers for gravity falls, the website, and maybe a bit of the book of bill⚠️
stanford pines was born with an "extra finger", a symbol for a disability. for a while, everyone thought it was a flaw. he was teased and shunned by his peers,
but then, people began to notice his genius. it even says on thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com, when you enter "sixer" or "stanford", that he has a "hyper-ability", something many people will say about "gifted" autistic people.
as soon as people started to point this out, everything felt like it made sense to ford. as a person who grew up with autism, i can relate to feeling alienated from my peers, and wondering "why? why, in a world made for normal people, was i made wrong?"
that kind of thought can lead to a sort of delusion.. that maybe you were destined for something great. maybe you were different because one day you would use it to change the world. i believe this is the way ford felt when he was approached by bill
bill came to ford and told him everything he'd ever wanted to hear.. that this feeling was real. that he was destined for greatness. that he was better, smarter, more special than the ones who had shunned him.
bill told ford that building the portal would make him a hero, make people finally see him as more than an extra finger. the one problem?
bill was a liar.
he used ford's selfish thoughts to trick him into making a gateway that would end the world. he used the years of mockery, the alienation, the loneliness, and he came to ford when he was alone, trapped, with nowhere to go.
he offered ford the opportunity to get back at a world that was built to knock him down at every turn, a world full of people who would never understand him. he offered to make ford a god.
and ford refused
he refused, even in a world that had done nothing but tear him down, to hurt others just to feel better about himself. he only had a few people who had ever cared for him, and yet, he was willing to destroy his life's work to save everyone who had made him miserable.
remember, he fully intended to stay trapped in the portal for all of eternity. that's why he was so frustrated when stanley brought him back. what we saw as a heroic act from stanley, ford saw as stanley refusing the sacrifice he had made to save him. he didn't thank stanley because nobody thanked him. no one thanked him for his hard work or sacrifice or his years of suffering just to protect stanley.
that, of course, led to this scene, which many people saw as stanford's most frustrating moment.
i think this post sums up really well why stanford, in this dire moment, would choose to insult his brother. because stanley was being selfish, too. stanley refused to help save the world, save his brother, all because ford never said "thank you."
they were both selfish. everyone is. they didn't fight because they were bad people, but because they both saw things from their own perspective. they were each hopelessly lonely without each other, but both too prideful to admit it.
in the end, they make up, and both follow their true dream. not money, not fame, just staying together.
stanford pines is not a bad, unsympathetic character. he is a complex, misdirected, "gifted" child. his only flaw was not seeing that he wasn't alone. his family was right there to support him the whole time.
#stanford pines#stanley pines#gravity falls#the book of bill#book of bill#gravity falls spoilers#undiagnosed autistic old man with 7 phDs#autism#undiagnosed autistic#bill cipher#gifted kid syndrome#rant#thisisnotawebsitedotcom#gravity falls theory#gravity falls thoughts#thanks for reading my old man austism rant#this was just really bugging me#I KNEW I LOVED THAT OLD GEEZER FOR A REASON
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me: *reads over symptoms of autism once again* “see but i don’t get upset over changes in routine, we change the routine all the time and i’m totally okay with it!”
also me since i was a kid: *gets irritated, stressed, angry, aggravated, and depressed for the rest of the day after something is switched to another day* *gets angry, stressed, and depressed, and has a breakdown when i find out we have to cancel plans, even if i didn’t really wanna go to wherever we were planning to go* *gets aggravated and is easily upset and is depressed the whole day after i get to cancel something that i had been planning for but also are relieved that i don’t have to go since i really didn’t want to* *is depressed, angry, irritated, and stressed after we cancel plans that i had zero feelings for up until that point* etc.
#i literally would cry my eyes out#be in a mood all day#& feel entirely off whenever plans changed like that all the damn time & still do that#i really need to take a look at my whole life before i say i don’t experience something cus i literally JUST figured this out this mornin#autisticrhys#actually autistic#autism#autism spectrum disorder#autistic#autistic culture#autistic spectrum#autistic community#autistic experiences#autistic things#being autistic#undiagnosed autistic#self diagnosed autism#self diagnosed autistic#autism symptoms#autistic traits#autism traits
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“She’s so sweet she’s always going out of her way to help others” quick someone give that girl all the love and safe space she deserves before being “sweet” (pathological people pleasing as a trauma response) destroys her and leaves behind a bitter empty shell of a person
#it will! learned that one the hard way! can’t believe I didn’t see that’s what I was doing for so long :)#always just thought “I’m so nice haha wish I wasn’t” turns out I wasn’t hahah just brain chemicals outta wack :)#not that I’m not actually nice but the people pleasing isn’t what makes me so :) (me @ myself)#post traumatic growth#pathological people pleaser#rants & reflections#csa survivor#cptsd healing#childhood emotional neglect#autistic trauma#autism in girls#late diagnosed autistic#cptsd recovery#bpd mood#undiagnosed neurodivergent#abuse survivor#people pleaser#inferiority complex#trauma response#trauma recovery#traumagenic#trauma disorders
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So crazy that all of Spencer Reid’s friends are literally FBI profilers and he’s somehow still out here rawdogging undiagnosed autism.
#I love his big juicy brain#he’s literally just an fbi profiler he can’t work under these conditions#criminal minds#criminal minds memes#spencer reid#autism#autistic characters#undiagnosed autistic#neurodivergent
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The opposite of a haunting is something very lonely, Katie Maria /// there's a little girl in my head, @heavensickness /// Little Girl Looking Downstairs at Christmas Party (1964) by Norman Rockwell /// Changing, Liv Ullmann /// found photograph with my words /// what they don't tell you, @tryworks /// Anne with an E, A Strong Effort of the Spirit of Good (3x07) /// Time Travel by Emhahee /// Second Wave (2023) by Amy Dury /// Katie Maria
#yes that is a photo of me as a child#I've just been thinking about my childhood and how I felt so different from everyone else and I didn't understand why#I always thought that when I grew up I would understand the world and suddenly be like everyone else. but I never did#and I still feel like a confused scared little girl. playing pretend at being a grown up#(I know that this could be read as being about childhood neglect and family trauma and you're welcome to interpret it that way#but I made it more about growing up undiagnosed autistic and being bullied and feeling isolated. I actually had a pretty good home life)#web weave#poetry#art#literature#norman rockwell#anne with an e#emhahee#autism#childhood#isolation#loneliness#girlhood#undiagnosed autistic
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I like to think that Ethan is just really attracted to weird people. I think Mia was always a weirdo in a way and that’s why he loves her. Also, Karl. Ethan likes a freak to make him seem like the normal one, bc next to the average person, Ethan would be the weirdo…..
#i believe in Mia transfem autist with very unconventional special interests supremacy#and Ethan transmasc very bad impulse control adhd haver#karl is there hes undiagnosable#also not to say i think autistic ppl are weird or anything shdhdj i realize the wording is awkward#but u know to neurotypical folks normal
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#the original isn't mine#but i modified it#autism#autistic#undiagnosed autism#self diagnosed autism#adventure time#finn mertens#finn and jake#jake the dog#finn the human#fionna the human#fionna and cake#adventure time fandom#pendleton ward
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Jamie dyslexic, flappy hands, jumping up and down, i don't know I don't know I don't know, tiny shorts, comfortable clothing, hands in shirt/sleeves, dissociation depression anxiety, tongue thing, not picking up on social cues, can't sit "normally" (curled up on the bench, sitting on the floor, etc), explains his feelings in ways a lot of people think are funny or weird but are actually very accurate and the only way he knows how to describe them, needs to be constantly fidgeting and moving around chewing on hoodie string messing with his mom's pant leg, exaggerated facial expressions, sensory issues Tartt, my beloved
#i know I'm missing some stuff but hes so me coded ❤️#when you latch on to a character and it clicks like oohh thats why i would die for them#undiagnosed autistic jamie my beloved#and other flavors of neurodivergent#and yes being dyslexic includes not being the best at knowing word definitions and mixing up words#not just mixing up letters#ted lasso#jamie tartt#roy kent#keeley jones#the tree talks
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I miss people using non-medicalized terms for other people's passions
like. well and good to talk about "hyperfixations," "special interests [in the context of an autistic person's favorite subject]," or "infodumping" if you have ADD/ADHD or autism, or are talking about someone who is, but...that's not everyone who feels strongly about something, obsesses, or loves talking about their interests. those words mean specific things, associated with specific forms of neurodivergence
don't assume everyone is comfortable with that language
"rambling" is a word; so is "ranting." "obsession" is a word. "passion" is a word. learn them and use them
#mini-rant#it makes me really uncomfortable when people use that language to talk about my fandom activities#because those are fine and useful words! they just. don't apply to me.#also the weird assumption that everyone who like...has a hobby is autistic? or feels passionately about any activity?#at least in this case it's coming from a more positive perspective and usually from autistic people themselves but#I see people claiming that X character with a hobby they love is 100% Confirmed Autistic and if you disagree you're a bigot#you are free to headcanon that! but.#neurotypical people also have hobbies sometimes!#just saw someone saying that the character Daria was 'undiagnosed autistic' and therefore criticizing her behavior was Bad#my friend. she is a fake person.
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I'm going to preface this by saying that I have really complex feelings about this, and much of it is inspired by my personal experiences and a bit of learning about what other trans people experience. If I come across as messy, it is because of these reasons.
There's this unshakable feeling I have that when allies and even other trans people talk about trans people, transition and motivation for transition, and anything related to such, that there's only certain things that x type of trans person can (and should) experience and talk about.
Like, when people talk about FtMs/trans men/transmasc people, a common idea is that we're motivated to transition to game the system, to manipulate people into treating us better because we're now seen as men. A huge reason I never even bought into that idea is because, since transition (especially medical), I have been treated worse than I ever have been. Since transitioning and being on testosterone, I've been catcalled, had people insist I hand my number over, and I have to emphasize that I've never experienced these things until a couple of years ago (to clarify, this was in my real, corporeal life). I honestly can say that, while transition has saved my life and soul, I am treated worse by others than I ever had been pre-transition. However, because the idea of transmascs is that "they were victims of misogyny and they only want to escape it through transition" is popular even among some trans people, I feel like it's almost... taking something away by acknowledging that. Add to this that I'm white and that TPoC have so many experiences that intertwine with race, and that race absolutely goes into how trans people are treated.
I am not saying that my experience is the only valid or true one. I am very aware that I'm probably an outlier. However, I just notice that, time and time again, people hear what they want to hear about transness, and if people have even slightly different points of view from their experiences, it doesn't matter, or worse, those people are duplicitous and conniving.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#nonbinary#transphobia#transphobia tw#misogyny tw#i just feel like there are very few spaces i feel safe even talking about my experiences with#because it's either ending up in transphobia ('see? you'll NEVER escape!!!') or downplaying or denying my experiences (men don't face that)#i just wish you could talk about the good and the bad without people picking at your carcass like vultures y'know?#because that's how it feels. it feels like i've been laid out on the ground to be *picked* apart and torn#making this after being harassed once again. catcallers get the boot.#it's just amazing to me how pre-transition i was almost... immune to that shit#the worst treatment i faced was being an undiagnosed autistic kid in school (which was ableism and not applicable to the conversation)
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Even if I don't have an ADHD or autism diagnosis, treating myself like I have both has been so freeing. I put in noise cancelling headphones when I'm overstimulated. I sit on the floor in the research lab to work because no one in there cares and I like the floor better than my desk. I cut out the tags on my shirts. I use adhd-friendly organizational tips. I let myself stim in public without feeling bad. I was always taught not to do any of that stuff in order to seem "normal" and conform. I finally gave myself permission to do things that make me feel less shitty in my day to day existence. I gave myself permission to be kind to myself.
So reminder to all the people out there like me: you don't have to wait for a diagnosis to implement things in your life that make you more comfortable.
#undiagnosed neurodivergent#undiagnosed adhd#undiagnosed autistic#undiagnosed autism#autism#adhd#i would love an actual diagnosis but I'm facing several barriers and I'm not waiting that long to improve my quality of life
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When you're listening to music and you find that one specific tune that hits the spot and listen to it on repeat for the rest of the day.
#adhd#actually adhd#actually neurodivergent#adhd brain#neurodivergent#adhd stuff#adhd things#adhd culture#undiagnosed autism#undiagnosed adhd#undiagnosed neurodivergent#neurodiversity#neurodiverse stuff#actually autistic#autistic#autistic things#adhd shit#perfect#going through this weird phase with interstellar#i don't even know where it's from but i like the tune
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cripple punk isn’t for mental disabilities
but that’s not saying you’re not disabled
you don’t have to be crippled to be disabled.
but you have to be crippled to have a voice you think you’re entitled to in cripple punk spaces.
you’re either crippled, or you’re not.
cripples having their own space doesn’t take away from neurodivergent/mentally ill people’s spaces.
how is this still confusing or controversial?
#cripple punk#cpunk#this isn’t negociable#I will fistfight your mother#disabled#chronic illness#chronic pain#arthritis#ehlers danlos syndrome#chronically ill#undiagnosed#physically disabled#ableism#autistic adult#adhd#actually audhd
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